Back at it...feel like a big fat failure.

Well, I officially hate myself. I've gained back almost all of my weight (approximately 30lbs) and need to do something. My 40th birthday is 6 1/2 months away and refuse to feel this way for my birthday. 

I don't know how this happened. Well, let's be honest...I do. First, it was 5 lbs, then 10, then 15 and then it was 30.

I'm not using my band. I'm eating sugar and shit and anything else. I still am tight enough that I can't eat breads which is probably what saved me from gaining 40lbs. 

The buck stops here. Today is a new day. 

I'm going to try my best to blog and log everything into my f*tnes$ pal. Today I took a spinning class and burned about 800 calories. So far, so good although toughest time is at night. I'm doing mindless eating. Not even hungry. I have to keep my eye on that the most. 

I never understood how people with the band could gain weight but I am now one of those people. I feel awful and feel like I failed. 

I have to do something. Beginning today. 

Countdown to 40 starts now.